Where I Went: Life Update

So, you may have noticed that I basically dropped off the face of the Earth for 10 days if you keep up regularly with my blog.  And as promised in my previous Friday Favorites post, I’ve got an explanation for you guys.  My goal with this blog has been to be as upfront and honest as humanly possible.  I live with a panic disorder, depression, and PTSD everyday.  When I started seeking help and treatment, all of that was helpful, but rarely did I come across anything that had the day to day real life experience and information like that.  So after a while I thought to myself, why not me?  Why not start a blog and share my life and the helpful hints I’ve learned in getting help and bettering myself?  I wanted to share my experiences in hopes that just one person didn’t feel so alone.  I strive to open up about all this in a way that is real and relatable to you as my readers.  Living with mental illness is tough, but I want to normalize the stigma and promote a positive lifestyle to the very best of my ability!!!

As most of you probably know, everything can’t be great all the time.  I’m a firm believer that you have to have the hard times to appreciate the good times.  It’s like having to be broken so the light can shine through the cracks.  So, to be quite honest with you, I had a rough 10 days.  I just had 0 motivation to do anything at all.  I could barely bring myself to get out of bed half of the time.  I cried a lot.  I constantly felt an overwhelming and crippling sadness just weighted on my chest.  I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep.  It’d be 4 am in the morning and I would be so tired, but I couldn’t settle myself.  I’d be starving, but the minute there was food in front of me, I wouldn’t be hungry anymore.  I didn’t see my horse and I didn’t really do anything.  And this is what depression is.  This is what living with this is, it’s my reality.

In the past year my life has changed a lot and I’ve lost some very important people to me.  Going through this, and getting through it has been royally kicking my ass.  I will not lie to you, it’s an uphill battle that rages in me every single day.  It’s an indescribable sense of grief that I feel on a monumental level all the time.  I have good days and bad days.  I just really let it get to me, forgetting my own tips and tricks.  I don’t want to get too much into everything at this point, not so much for myself, but both situations of loss involve other parties that would likely very much appreciate I keep their business off the internet.  Perhaps one day, if I think it will help somebody, I will go into more detail in a separate post.  It’s just been rather difficult for me to deal with, as I never thought this would be something I’d be struggling with in my life.

I feel like the lovely Helena Bonham Carter says it best here.

So, I guess what I’m trying to tell you is I spent the last 10 days fighting against my own grain instead of just feeling and dealing with it.  I’m going through a process of grief, and I keep forgetting that it’s like riding a wave.  If you fight against it, you might let it drown you.  But if you get up and get through it, you’ll make it out.  The days might have their ups and downs, but you just have to ride it.  I have a spectacular therapist and a great support system behind me.  I need to take better care of myself emotionally instead of forgetting how important that is.  Depression is just like any other illness.  You wouldn’t beat yourself up for having the flu.  I’m going to focus on my goals, my writing, my friends and family, my animals, and bettering my life as a whole.  I’m sorry I dropped the ball for a minute, guys.  But I’m going to get right back up and start living my life.  I don’t want to spend another second being angry and sad.  I know in my heart there will still be hard days, but I know I am strong enough to get through them.  Gotta keep looking for the sunshine, folks.

 

Well, that’s where I went, guys.  I’m not going to let this kick me down again.  I’ve made it this far and the good thing to come out of this past year is I know my own strength.  I’ve got stamina and I’m going to get through this.  If you are feeling anxious or depressed, please ask for help.  Whether it’s a friend, a family member, your therapist, or anyone you are comfortable with, don’t hesitate.  Ask for help.  We’re all in this together, okay?  Okay.

Taking some time for myself and to think about my wellness from my favorite view.  So helpful!

    I appreciate your support and feedback more than you know!  I hope everyone is having the best and most relaxing weekend.  Before the weekend is over, if you are a fan of film making and/or small business, check out this new blog!  The author is named Aleah, and she is an up and coming film maker!  She’s got some fabulous insight and who can’t appreciate someone following their dreams?  Read a bit about her adventures and enjoy!

    That’s going to be all for now, guys!  See you guys all next week?

Sending love, xx Kara