15 Things We Wish You Understood About Our Depression


Depression is hard.  It’s really hard for those of us who suffer from it and it’s hard for our loved ones who don’t understand it.  Here’s a short list of things that we wish you knew.

1.  Depression is an illness.  And in many cases, it is extremely difficult and serious.  You wouldn’t judge someone who’d had a stoke for not being able to get out of bed and tackle their day to day activities, would you?  No.  You wouldn’t.  Just because you can’t always “see” the illness, doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid and debilitating thing.


Actual depressed vs. not depressed brains.


 2.  Let’s talk about it.  Whether you’ve noticed our depression or we’ve shared it with you, talk to us about it.  Brushing it under the rug only creates a larger stigma for depression and mental illness.

 3.  We’re good at hiding it.  We could win an Oscar with the smiles we’re able to fake.  We will try to convince not only others, but also ourselves, that everything is okay and completely fine.  You might even find yourself envious of our energy and enthusiasm we seem to have.  But inside we feel sad, alone, lost, drained, and terribly unhappy.fullsizerender-3


4.  You’re an important part of our healing process.  Our family, friends, and loved ones are our support systems.  You are one of the most important parts of our healing and daily battle.  Every time you are there for us, or make us laugh when we are feeling our worst, it helps us feel better and not so alone.  You make all the difference.

5.  We may lash out at you.  And we’re sorry.  We try really hard, but sometimes depression gets the best of us.  fullsizerender-6


  6.  This isn’t for attention, and we aren’t being lazy.  There are days when we are so numb it’s exhausting.  Sometimes our bodies physically ache.  We would give anything to not feel this way and not have to fight this fight.  This is an illness, not laziness.



 7.  We might be hard to get a hold of.  Or we might even cancel plans we actually want to be a part of.  It’s hard to put into words, but sometimes we just can’t.  Continue to reach out anyways, please.  Even if it’s just to let us know that you’re there when we’re ready.

8.  If we are doing something that is creating an issue for you, please talk to us about it.  If we are doing something that’s bothering you, please don’t just peace out of our lives.



9.  We often self-medicate.  Eating?  Not eating?  Drinking?  Shopping?  We will try anything that we think we make ourselves fell better, even though we know it won’t be permanent.

10.  We can’t sleep, we can’t stay awake.  Often times we are so caught up in our feelings of sadness, that we have these mind racing thoughts about EVERYTHING that is bothering us and thus cannot sleep.  It sucks.  We could be completely exhausted and still not sleep.  Other times, we may be so emotionally drained from depression that we are tired all the time.  It also sucks.

11.  There isn’t always a reason.  And it isn’t your fault either.  Sometimes we’ll cry.  Sometimes we’ll feel an overwhelming numbness.  But please try to refrain from saying things like “I try so hard and I don’t understand why you’re still sad”.  We know, it’s not you.  We probably don’t even know the exact reason ourselves.  We just know this is something that we battle with every single day.



12.  We understand that this not only affects us and that it’s hard for you too.  We know you’re trying your best.  Thank you.

13.  Depression isn’t like the movies.  I’m not some beautifully broken soul that can be saved by a hero on a white horse.  Stop romanticizing depression and instead truly educate yourself.  It’ll help us more than you know.

14.  It’s a process.  We have good days and we have bad days.  Depression doesn’t just go away.  We can seem happy one moment and totally disengaged the next.



15.  We’re not good at expressing how we’re feeling.  But know we appreciate you.  We’re not good at telling you when we need you, we’re not good at explaining our feelings, but we have no idea what we’d do without you- our support systems.  Thank you for encouraging us, for sticking by our side, and for loving us just as we are.


xx Kara



13 thoughts on “15 Things We Wish You Understood About Our Depression

  1. Very interesting and educating. One thing though I thought someonf what you said was spot on the need to talk through depression is important but too many time those who suffer with depression push away and refuse to talk. It makes it difficult for the friend or family member to be of support. One thing you also left out is that those who suffer from depression should do themselves a huge favor and not isolate themselves, that further creates a deeper gap between themselves and those that want to offer support.

    Liked by 2 people

    • This is a very sad but true point about depression. Family and close friends can feel entirely helpless when their loved one withdraws from them and refuses to discuss any aspect of their problem.


      • I live this with my son …who suffers from bipolar depression. This time of year is especially rough and he starts to isolates himself it takes almost all winter to undo his isolation.


  2. Reblogged this on Southern By Design and commented:
    As someone who suffers with depression I found this to be a great article. I hope that you will take thee opportunity to read it in its entirety. It’s so important for the mental health community to have support and understanding in this battle. Many thanks to the author, be sure to check out her blog for other great pieces!


  3. I have manic depression for the last 9 years it took me 8 years just to control it sure some days are hard but it’s not as bad as it use to I still have to try to stay calm and do the best i can


  4. Hi Kara, as someone that’s struggled with Depression for a long time now, this is very encouraging. You’re so right, it’s so important to recognise the parity of impact that mental health issues have on life in an equal way physical illness has. I hadn’t seen the brain activity comparison between depressive and non-depressive before.
    As for hiding it, I always find myself responding “fine” when asked how I am. I think it’s a real challenge to be honest with both ourselves and others when we find ourselves to be struggling.


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